I used to have personal space issues...

...And then I became a mom.  I don't know who reads this blog but honestly, it is my outlet.  For writing, for putting my feelings down and of course for journaling our fun celebrations and activites.  Lately I have been thinking a lot about motherhood and space...the two don't really know how to coexist.  Just yesterday I was sitting on the couch nursing my little three month old as we played a round of Disney scene it as a family.  Within two minutes, my 3 year old had his chubby arms wrapped around my neck with his hands entwined in my hair (a favorite relaxation position for him) and my 5 year old had his stinky sweaty legs and feet draped over my lap.  I was literally being sucked on, pulled on and laid on by three little bodies.  And my old personal space self wanted to scream "Get off me!!!"  Fortunately I contained myself and politely said "Hey boys...can I nurse the baby for a minute then I can hold you both?"  And while two of the three relinquished their positions for the sake of the baby, I still had no space.  Not something I am upset about...I love nursing, but just an observation.
And it got me thinking...how often do we young moms hear "Enjoy this time...it goes too fast."  But do I have to enjoy finding someone's snot on my jeans and praying it is the baby's cause that is less gross than the 3 year old or 5 year old's?  Or cherish the phrase yelled to me from upstairs "Mom!  Come wipe me!"  Or relish the difficulty of balancing laughter and jokes at the dinner table with teaching manners and respect?  Do I love being a stay at home mom?  A million times yes!  I would not trade it for anything in the world.  But it can be hard to know that your title is "mom" only and the only interaction you might have with an adult in the week is the clerk at the grocery store or on the phone scheduling a doctor's appointment for your child.
So while still thinking about this, I was wasting time browsing and learning on pinterest looking up ways to make a cake for my 6 year old's upcoming birthday. (He wants Geronimo Stilton...what the difficulty?! But I think I have figured out how to make his birthday wish come true...) And I ran across this article.  http://austin.citymomsblog.com/2016/04/20/stage-life-hard/  Oh my goodness...go read it.  Please!  Everything hit home.  I know in 20 years I will wish I had handprints on my finally washed windows or toy cars on the stairs or laundry smelling of Dreft indicating the presence of a new baby in the house.  But today is today.  It is wonderful and rewarding and hard and thankless all at once.  That word guilt is the worst thing for a mom but there is no getting around it.  I have come to believe in the triangle of motherhood where you can only pick two....homemaking prowess (clean house and having dinner made), happy kids, or your sanity.  You will notice being fashionable and beautiful and at goal weight and doing hobbies or reading is not in there...although that could be part of sanity I suppose.
And social media does not always help.  I am guilty of this...we post our best self.  And I don't necessarily disagree with it.  I want to remember the times I rocked at Star Wars pancakes and the times I felt beautiful enough to take a selfie.  I am uplifted by others posting their healthy meals and their workout ideas and their beautifully decorated homes.  But I have to remember that there is usually a story there and that moment posted, while perfect, was maybe just a moment.  Like the adorable Easter picture on Instagram of three happy matching children followed by tears from the post baby body mom who couldn't find anything to wear to church and the husband who didn't know what to say or do to help.  (Yep...that happened.)  Or the awesome stay in date night planned by the husband that looks wonderful, which it was, but there were only 20 minutes of real date time because the baby needing taking care of and let's be honest...I was still in my sweats so was I being real?  To both of those...yes.  My kids looked incredible and were happy on Easter.  My husband did plan an at home date picnic with sushi which was delicious and the game was fun but there were obviously less than perfect stories there.
I want to do it all.  I do.  I enjoy holidays and going all out...that is not a stress for me but it is one more thing to do.  I want to do crafts with my kids that include learning a new letter each week complete with a field trip but if I sing my kids the ABC song at night I count that a win.  I want to make meals complete with all the colors of the rainbow and leafy veggies with lean protein but sometimes the colors are colored goldfish next to mac and cheese and chocolate milk cause I don't want to fight my kids that night about eating their dinner.  And I want to pamper my husband with pipe and slippers and sports section ready for him when he comes home from work while I look like I stepped out of a 50's fashion magazine in pearls and heels and a dress and apron...but HA!  I can't even seriously address that one.  Bwahahaha!
I guess what I am saying is I know I am not alone in this.  I know there are moms who sit at home feeling lonely thinking no one else is lonely and their next door neighbor is doing the same.  I know there are moms who have Cafe Rio picked up by their husbands for dinner because the cleaning took too long even though it doesn't look like it cause the kids are up from naps and the toys are out again.  I do have plenty of moments when I sit back and think "My life rocks.  My kids are awesome.  This is what I want."  But like how your mom didn't mention when your room was clean all the time but notices very much when it is dirty...you don't notice the good times as much cause the hard times are much more taxing.  And I am super lucky because my husband has a flexible schedule and is home a lot earlier than most plus he loves his kids and takes them on outings often and plays with them every night.  And I recognize these blessings.  I really do.
So yeah...take a moment to sit and acknowledge that you love your life but that you are tired.  It doesn't make you ungrateful or evil.  It makes you human.  Which means you are still learning and growing and becoming your good or better or best self.  And moving forward, even if that means not giving up that day, is still moving forward.

Keeping busy

Just some pictures of how we have been keeping busy lately…I love my boys and how much fun they are.  I can really take them almost anywhere and they love it.  And with the nice weather (let's hope it sticks around) I can't wait to make daily trips to the park or other outdoor outings.

 We went to the Disney store one day just for fun and turns out they do little activities throughout the week and we were there for one.  This is when they were helping Jake and the Neverland Pirates say "Yo Ho Ho"  to capture Captain Hook

 We went to the Midway Ice Castles one evening.  I wish I could say it was magical and fun…but it was a rough night.  I have a 3 year old who HATES being cold and does not do well walking in snow so there were tears and tantrums and it was a very quick walk through.  I am glad we went but it was a long drive with that as the outcome.  Oh well!  Live and learn.

 Still love matching their outfits!  Shortstop watched the live action TMNT with Mark the other night and he is a fan.

 We love the Provo Beach resort and have a great time whenever we make it there

 Playdates!  This one was so fun cause both boys were trying to get her attention and thought everything she did was adorable.  Shortstop even wrapped his arms around her when she was nervous to be dropped off and said "It's ok sweetie. Don't be scared…I am here for you."  

 Infatuation

 PetSmart- free, fast and easy!

 Lunch at IKEA- trying to decide what to eat.  (And matching shirts again!)

 Riding the toys at the mall

 Snuggling to watch morning cartoons- Fullback is just starting to show interest in cartoons

 Kisses!

We like to take pictures around here just for fun

First time in a forward facing car seat!  He loves it and so do I

 These brothers…melt my heart

More matching shirts but I think the boys are less than thrilled this time

 Library story time- this was Fullback's first time going and he did not move- he was entranced with everything they read, danced and sang

 They had a good time

 Then we did some reading on our own.  I love how much these two love books

My nose is stuffed up...

so I can't sleep.  And I feel like blogging.  Isn't that the cure for the common cold?  Who needs oj and rest...I have Drop Dead Diva and blogging.

Who knows how much sense this post will make but I feel like journaling a tad of what the last 8 weeks have been like in the Elkington home.  In no way should this be taken as complaining.  Ok...maybe a little.  But for reals, this is more to just capture  my thoughts.

8 weeks ago Fullback caught a little cold.  Just a slight runny nose.  Nothing major.  Fast forward to today and every day for the last 8 weeks at least one person in this house has been sick.  No sickness was major...but pile them one on top of the other and I feel like my non stop crying the other day and binge eating Famous Amos cookies with Dirty Dr. Pepper was totally justified.  (Have you had a Dirty Coke or Dirty Dr. Pepper yet?  No?! Go to the nearest Maverik gas station, follow the instructions on the fountain drinks and thank me later...I am serious!)

Someone in this house, mostly my two sweet babies,  has suffered from a runny nose, light cough, deep gasping chest cough, fevers- oh so many fevers, flu including throwing up and diarrhea, pink eye, full body rash, ear infections (4- all Fullback and all oozing...blech!), food poisoning, growing pains and leg aches, migraines, sore throat and swollen glands, and...I think that is it.  Each individual illness is so normal and manageable.  But as I stated...it was the one after another that just became unbelievable.

On top of this we have also dealt with disappointments at work (those got worked out), Mark was in a car accident (minor, no one was hurt, and now I get to drive a mini van for a week while our car gets fixed which has been fun and awesome!), an email letting us know the owners of our condo want us to move in three months so they can move back in ("But Jacque...don't you have a year contract?"  Why yes, yes I do...we will see what happens with this one, still waiting), a cancelled anniversary weekend away due to illness (bags were packed, parents were excited for us to come visit Twin Falls so we could go out on a real live date, boys woke up with more fevers and pink eye), birthday extravaganza that Mark has been planning for weeks cancelled due to fear of illness and spreading it to others (this year was to make up for my 30th last year cause I was bed ridden with pregnancy and non stop throwing up...haha the irony- I WILL be celebrating my half birthday this year to make up for both birthdays...so let it be known!), a missed day out with my siblings who were ALL in town for a party for my oldest sisters' nursing graduation, family trips to the zoo, seven peaks and even the grocery store cancelled because someone started throwing up each time we tried walking out the front door, and not getting to attend church as a whole family in 2 months (we get to take turns each Sunday...crossing my fingers that this Sunday, my birthday, we are all there together).  So needless to say my little house has not had the best of luck.  But as we round the corner of another illness with high hopes this is it and we are getting better, I have learned a few things.

• Praying for good things, like a desire to go to church together or that the boys will get some sleep, is good, but submitting "Thy will be done" is better...something I am learning and will continue to learn
• The kindness of friends and neighbors is never ending
• Accepting help is never easy
• Talking to sisters and mom(s) (mom and mother-in-law) is always helpful
• Crying is very healthy
• Laughing is even healthier- but crying is still easier
• Life can get worse when you think it can't and of course on the flip side...life is always able to get better
• Not knowing when the last time you showered AND got ready in the same day can be an all too common occurrence- I am saving so much money on things like make up, deodorant and shampoo
• The relief of hearing the front door open, your husband walk in and immediately build a fort with  your kids so you can lay down and take a nap is priceless
• Picking fights just because you can't really be mad at your sick children is a lot easier when your husband understands that is what you are doing- but doesn't let on so you don't feel like he is being condescending- and he lets you be...difficult- and loves you anyway- and still brings you a cold rag for your head while you nap and you wake up to ice cream waiting for you- even though you were a brat- and he never admits to knowing exactly what you were doing- and forgives you without you having to say you are sorry
• 3 year olds have so much wisdom and love and an understanding of the simplicity of the gospel.  Never dismiss the logic of a child
• The priesthood is amazing and I am so grateful to be married to a worthy priesthood holder
• Guilt is a word I wish I could get out of my personal dictionary- cartoons and TV were invented for months like these and guess what?  Shortstop is still a happy, smart, funny boy and his brain has not been fried
• The power of snuggling, whether with your baby or your hubby, should never be forgotten
• Husbands carry a lot more weight on their shoulders than they let on sometimes...and it is easy to forget that as a stay-at-home mom and get caught in the woe is me.  Mark, I love you so much...more than I can ever say.  You. Amaze. Me. 
• There are days that can be summed up in one word when asked what you did that day..."wiping"
• Bums, noses, spills, spit up, throw up, tears
• When you haven't been around adults for a while...you really talk a lot and dominate conversations whether on the phone or in person...sorry to anyone who has been the lucky recipient of that lately
• Humility can always be learned...over and over and over again
• Mother's intuition can be just as good as a doctor's diagnosis
• This life is a test

My motto lately can be summed up from a clip from Finding Nemo...

And you know what?  "Swimming" has many levels.  Sometimes you are in the deep end, under water, head covered and just trying to hold your breath until you can get some air.  The shore is NOWHERE in sight.  Other times you are wading in the deep or even shallow end.  You have your head out of the water but barely...you can see the shore but can't get to it.  And other times you are splashing in two inches of water...you aren't completely dry and tanning on the beach but you have solid footing and know you can get out of the water at any moment with minimal effort.  But in all three circumstances you are "swimming" to make it through.  

So my blinds have been shut, my sweats have been worn...a lot..., my dishes have piled up and my meals have been questionable at best...oh so much take out and leftovers.  But guess what, even though I may not have done it perfectly, I obviously kept swimming...cause I am still here.  And I plan to keep swimming, and sputtering, and attempting to be real.  Cause when all is said and done, I have the coolest sons in the world and the absolute most incredible (and hot) husband around.  And we are a forever family.  And little else matters.  (Even though it can still be hard and that does not have to be ignored...keep it real people!) So good luck out there...and I am sorry if your life has been rough lately. Get off your own back, give yourself a break and remember you are doing a much better job at whatever role in life you have than you give yourself credit.  

Good bye August!

August was NOT my favorite month this year.  Someone in this household was sick every day this month, and more often than not multiple people.  It was crazy!  From coughs and cold, to diarrhea, to the flu.  Each day I almost would laugh (more hysterically and manically than humorously) because we just haven't been getting over this stuff.  We had lots planned for August and surprisingly were able to still do some of them.  We spent a couple of days at Seven Peaks, Mark took Shortstop to the zoo and also to a BYU football scrimmage, we went bowling, up to Aunt Rachel's house, Thanksgiving point for a pony ride (wish I had my camera for this one but it is on instagram), farmer's markets, had picnics, went on walks, out to IKEA (Shortstop LOVES it here), tried Waffle Luv...uh-maze-ing, and other things to enjoy the last month of summer.  So although I am so happy August is OVER and I look forward to Fall (it is my favorite) I am glad we still had time to enjoy a few days.   A lot of the pictures of these events are only on instagram but I did get a few on my camera. :)

 Just to have proof I am around. :) And yes, I love matching my family at church.

 BYU football scrimmage with Mark's freshman roommate Nate

 Shortstop teaching Fullback everything he knows about playing with toys

 BYU farmers' market...Shortstop was very excited about this face paint

Good night hugs...I love my boys!

My mom ladies and gentlemen

My mom is great and so talented.  One day she wanted to document the quilts she has made for each of her kids for a quilting class she is a part of.  These...

are just the ones she made me.  Amazing right?  The top right one, the red and cream and blue one is one I made with her help.  One weekend Mark had to go to Seattle without me and I missed him a lot.  (We don't do well without each other).  Rather than let me be sad, my mom took me to the local quilt store and helped me pick out a pattern and taught me how to do it all.  She did the finishing touches of course, but it helped me pass the time.  It is a nautical theme and I just love it.  The big one in front is HUGE.  She made one for each of her kids after we all got married and we got to pick our colors and what not.  So special to have these from her.  Thanks mom!

How Instagram killed my blog

I know it has only been...well...less than a month...since I last blogged.  But is has been a while since I have been really into blogging.  I am trying to be excited to blog, I really am, but I feel so repetitive in my attempts.  None of you know I am repeating what I say in my baby journals or our family journal but by the time I blog, I have already written down some things three times making this internet form the fourth time for me.  Kind of hard to be motivated.  But the real reason I have slacked off on the blogging front...Instagram.  I love IG so very much.  It is an in the moment quick picture of whatever is going on with a quick caption and then I can forget about it.  Lazy?  Maybe.  Fun?  Very.  Easier than blogging?  Oh yeah.  So...I want to get back into blogging but now that google reader is dead and gone, who knows who will even read this?  I know I personally have stopped reading all but my family's blogs cause I have no way to organize the countless others I stalked.  (Why did that go away?  Just curious).  So...here's to hoping I can get motivated to blog again!

Where did April go?

Oh my goodness I cannot believe tomorrow is the last day of April.  I seriously do not remember where this month went.  It was quite a month, some ups, some downs but it is over and I am really looking forward to May.  No rhyme or reason to these pictures but I figured those who did not win my giveaway were sick of seeing that as the last post! :)  (There will be another giveaway soon...I already know what it is going to be!)

 This kid cracks me up!  He was running around complaining of being too cold after his bath but refused to get dressed, all the while laughing while we chased him.

 Look at that stance!  Definitely a future ball player.  He refuses to play baseball with us without putting on a backwards cap.

 They were caught!  (But not really...they both just look so guilty)

 Snuggles=sometimes getting your face smushed in

 We spent a Saturday at the aquarium.  Shortstop loved the penguins but this was his favorite part.  There are little fish tanks throughout this crawling space.  "Just for me!" was his reaction when he saw their size.

 He will not go to bed without a book...and I love it!

 Apparently I interrupted a very important brother conference/conversation

 The stare down

 I swear they are talking about me here and plotting something...

Tried to get a cute video of him laughing...oh well.  Reminds me of this one.

I caught his first roll over on camera!  I am so glad I had my camera cause he kept looking really close so I just waited!

Such a helpful big brother

Holidays...so much discussion!

I have been amazed at the overwhelming number of facebook posts and blog entries about how overboard St. Patrick's day and other holidays are becoming.  Most of the comments are about over-achieving moms and one upping competitions and kids who expect something because their friends' mom does the holiday differently.  And I have had an inner turmoil, almost shame, while reading each opinion.  But not because I am against celebrating...just the opposite.  Because I feel bad that I enjoy it and am basically being told to knock it off.

Growing up, my dad was in the military and we moved all over the world.  At times the only friends my siblings and I had were each other and the only familiarities we had on holidays were within the walls of our home.  Living in other countries who may or may not celebrate things you are used to can be hard as a child and maybe even confusing.  But my mom kept our traditions alive and brought new ones with us from previous places.  After living in Boston, St. Patrick's day became a bigger deal in our home with green toilet water and green breakfasts.  After we lived in Belgium, we put our shoes out on December 6th for St. Nick to put toys and treats in which none of my friends had heard of back in the states.  And I cherish the memories and the efforts my mom put into making mundane days feel special.

As a stay at home mom now, I see maybe why she did these things and went to such great lengths.  Days can get pretty boring and sometimes lonely and frustrating.  If you can break that up by making a day a little more special for your kids, something to wake up looking forward to, then why not?  But if you don't want to, that is fine too...no one is forcing any family to do things.  I understand the competitive nature we all have and the fact that when kids go to school they hear what other families are doing.  That can be hard.  But I highly doubt moms are trying to make other moms look stupid or less-than-acceptable because they chose to make rainbow pancakes for St. Pat's breakfast.  I did it to see the smile on my kid's face as he asked if he could eat the blue one and I know there are things other moms do to make their kids smile that I choose not to.

The guilt we may or may not feel makes me sad.  So what if you forgot to move your elf on the shelf every single day.  So what if you don't send out fancy Christmas cards on time...or at all.  So what if your Valentine's are store bought and not hand crafted.  I remember calling people Martha Stewart moms and now it is a Pinterest mom.  We all need to get off our own backs and give ourselves a break.  The extras are supposed to be fun, not an added guilt or pressure.  I am grateful for the hundreds of things I have pinned that I will never do or the places I will never visit...it allows me a pretend hope that I can and will make my own padded bench seat from unfinished cabinets from Lowes or visit the gorgeous underwater hotel in Dubai or eat at a table in the ocean in Bora Bora.  Pinterest allows for dreams and creative juices to flow.

As for blogging, posting pictures on instagram or facebook about what you do to celebrate and the crafts you make...go for it!  Each of us is trying to be our best self.  We are trying to find joy in our lives.  And if you were able to do something special and want to share, then by all means share it.  But if you don't have a picture to share, so what?  No need to think that others are rubbing it in.  We are all just working hard to be our best.  As a stay at home mom, there are days I feel like a failure.  Days I barely get out of my sweats.  Moments I have to stop and think "have I showered in the last 72 hours?"  And on the days I can accomplish a drop of awesome, I may need to post it to remind myself that I am doing ok.  I am not as bad or as untalented as I think.

Moms who keep it simple and don't want to dye your toilet water green...good for you!  You do what is best for your family.  Moms who put feet prints on their toilet and a trail of gold coins leading to shoes filled with goodies beside a homemade leprechaun trap...good for you! You do what is best for your family.  My point is, there are enough people in this world saying that moms are not good enough, not important enough...let's be each others' cheerleaders a little more and each others' critics and competition a little less.

And now I will put away my soap box and go to bed. PS:  Click on the drop of awesome link if you really want a boost!  Great blog post by someone I don't even know.

Smattering

Technology is a funny thing.  We love it and are so grateful but we really can't live without it.  A week or so ago we had quite a fight with technology.  My cell phone was wiped clean of all contacts by a t-mobile representative trying to do something good to it and messing up.  Just recently I've been able to fix all that.  Then a few days later my darling Shortstop put a strong magnet on our computer.  Did you know that magnets KILL computers? You didn't?  Well they do.  Back story: a couple of months ago we thought our computer had died but it hadn't.  We realized we hadn't backed it up in a while and my brother in law helped us do that and clean up the hard drive a bit.  Thank heavens!!! Because of that, we only lost a month and a half of pictures and what not instead of a year, including Fullback's birth.  I am so beyond grateful.  Mark bought a new hard drive and reinstalled the external hard drive and our computer is almost as good as new.  So with that...I am caught up with the posts below this one and thought I would do a smattering of pictures.

A new to us swing.  Thanks Aunt Alicia!!

And what better way to enjoy it than by sucking on fingers

 Big brother's bed is so comfy!

Shortstop told me he cleaned his room one day.  I walked in and sure enough...things had all been piled in one area to make his room appear clean.  

 Going on a walk in our new stroller.  I love our Phil and Ted!!!

 Brothers or what!?

 Still not convinced they look alike?  Fullback is above and Shortstop is below.  It is so fun for me to compare these two handsome men in my life!!

Picture purge

January has been a not so exciting month but I have not minded relaxing and playing with my boys each day.  Some days I get a little stir crazy but even in warm weather than can happen.  Shortstop is so easy going and doesn't whine about not getting to go places and Fullback is still a dream baby.  We have played with lots of playdoh, colored and painted a million pictures and have tried some fun things from pinterest.  I look forward to warmer weather and better air quality so I can feel comfortable taking the boys out to play but until then, we are keeping each other entertained!

 Love sleeping pictures

 Helping daddy fix the table

 Vinegar volcanoes

 Two clean and lotioned babies

 Whenever Mark comes home Shortstop immediately tells him to take off his jacket or hat or whatever so that he can be assured he is not leaving.  It is too cute!  He loves his dad.

 Bubble beards and glow sticks

 Shortstop does not mind getting ready but somedays he asks to stay in pjs.  This particular day he wanted to wear his Morgan family reunion t shirt and my zebra gloves.  The kid has his own style

 We love to paint

 Protective older brother.  He always wants to be near Fullback

 This boy is so cuddly and squishable

 My three boys

 A picture with me in it...rare

 Last thing these two needed was new pjs but when I found matching ones in their sizes, I had to get them...it was a smart choice. :)

 So much love...I hope they always stay friends.  

 Keeping a toddler entertained with pennies and his piggy bank.  

Got stuck on top of his toy chest.  Too funny!

Starts out with This Little Piggy and ends with instructions from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse to go to the desert and the lake and fish for gooey fish.

Like I said, Shortstop loves to have Fullback near him so here he is bringing him to a new destination.  "Hold on baby Yuke!"

And last but not least...out of the mouth of babes.