Deep thoughts by Jacque

Ok, not all that deep, but they are my thoughts and they very nostalgic. I feel like singing Memory from Cats just to get things started. Because memories are rushing through my head tonight and I will admit that I am even a little emotional. Let me start at the beginning of today.

Started out a normal day, getting ready, taking care of Shortstop, cleaning the house and then out to the lobby to pick up my work phone and binder before sitting at my work computer to catch up on emails, make some calls and organize some receipts. I was forwarded an email that I did not get ...and I realized I am no longer on the mass email list sent to all HAs and managers. I did not think much of it at the time.

Mark decided to come home early because well, it is Friday and he was bored at work. When he got here, we ran an errand on campus and that is where the nostalgia began. As we walked across this gorgeous campus I heard a young man call out my name. I turned and saw a resident that lived in one of my halls my first year as a Hall Advisor. He and I caught up and he met my son which was kind of a shock to his system. See, when he knew me, I was an 8 month newlywed and new at my job...and now I am a mom who is the third senior HA in housing. We said goodbye and I reflected on just how long I have been here. Not as long as some HAs but longer than most.

Then I headed to my assessment team meeting where we discussed RA training and I kept saying "we" need to be prepared for this and get ready for that and I realized...I am not part of the "we" anymore. And that was what struck me earlier with not getting that email. In one week I will be leaving a very unique "club" of housing employees, Hall advisors, RAs office specialists and managers who really lean on another for so many things and become much more than co-workers. It is not a typical 9-5 job and few understand how it really is here.

After the meeting, our car broke down. A fellow HA used her car to jump it after a manager contacted the office specialist so I could borrow their jumper cables. (See how woven my life is with the people I work with?) Then I found out about another bill we would start paying once I quit because living in the "dorms" took care of it. Mark and I headed to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription lotion for my eczema only to find out it is 4 oz for...are you ready? $600! Insurance would take it down to $150. But still, no way was a buying that! And I lost it. I was upset about the car, stressed about the move and just annoyed in general. I could tell those weren't the right emotions but I couldn't think of how else to feel.
(By the way, I found a discount card online for the lotion and got it for $30...hallelujah! It is the only thing that has ever cleared up my horrible skin).

This evening I went to a check out meeting and met with one of my RAs about some issues in her building. In that hour I ended up doing two apartment mediations and educating residents on housing guidelines. When I finally got home at 7:30 pm I sat down at the computer to fill out some more paperwork, call my associate to catch up on a meeting I could not attend and send more emails. Then I headed to the Central building to count out 1800 interest surveys for the students coming in this Fall as brand new freshmen. I sat on the floor by myself counting these papers listening to my iPod and I let my mind wander for the first time today. And what came to my mind were memories of Heritage Halls activities I worked at, staff meetings and lots of inside jokes, friends and co workers who have come and gone, pranks that I had to act like I was upset about when inside I was laughing hysterically, back office chats with co-workers, RA one on ones, hall programs, holding hall meeting with rowdy boys or giggly girls, eavesdropping on ridiculous freshmen conversations in the lobby from my little office, emails back and forth with HAs at 1:00 in the morning because neither of us could sleep and we had work ideas on our minds (you know who you are) and the list could go on and on. And I found myself crying a little. And I realized that today I was not stressed, angry or annoyed...I was sad. And I am sad.

Is quitting and moving the right choice for me? Yes, it really is. But my goodness, I have lived in this tiny apartment longer than any other home I have lived in...4 1/2 years! It may be 430 square feet of cinder block to others but to me it has been a home. I was a newlywed here, a pregnant woman here and I brought my little Shortstop home here. Mark got ready for graduation here. Our living room and bedroom are separated by an awesome and one of a kind retro accordion door seen in many LDS church buildings. I mean who gets to have that in their house? My family has gone through a lot here, good times and bad. I learned a ton about myself and have really formed who I am. I have been "Jacque the Hall Advisor" longer than any other stage in life. The only other title that I learned as much about myself and who I want to be was when I was "Sister Morgan" on my mission... and that was only 18 months.

Some of you may be thinking "Oh come on, it is just a job...aren't you being a little over dramatic?" But this is not just a job. I live where I work, I sleep where I work, my family sometimes has to have family prayer or dinner without me as I get called away to talk to a resident, need to set up for Invitational, or have an unexpected meeting. I love being a Hall Advisor. I may not miss every aspect but I will sure miss a lot of it. August does not mean the end of summer for me...it means RA training and check ins with excited freshmen and nervous parents trailing behind (sometimes the other way around). December is wonderful with the Christmas season but not until check outs are over. April might bring May showers but to me it brings a binder full of residents' keys checking out from their first year at college.

I wish I could count the miles I have walked between my 3 wonderful buildings and back and forth from Snow hall to the Heritage Central Building, the evening trips to the creamery for ice cream or milk, the middle of the night phone calls because there is a flood or another emergency, the countless trees I have recycled from all the documents and paperwork.

Eleven years ago I moved into Heritage Halls as a freshmen. When I left my roommates in tears, I never thought I would live in Heritage Halls again or that it would mean more to me than a place I partied and made it through my first year at BYU. And here I am, crying again but for very different reasons. I am a little nervous. Now my main title will be "mom". And although to me that is the most important title I can have, it is new and unknown to me. I don't always think I am the best wife or nicest mom, but I think I have been a fairly consistent and hard working, even good, Hall Advisor. I am worried about staying busy. There is always something to plan for, train for and prepare in this job. The month after check ins, we are already discussing check outs and so on.

But I am happy. I am glad to be leaving Heritage the way it is now, before it all changes, what with the new buildings and Bowen being torn down, etc...I am leaving it the way I started.
I just have to get through this next week of packing, tying up loose ends and work, moving and settling into our new place. I may not write until after that but it will bring pictures and hopefully uneventful moving stories.