"Get out of mom responsibility free" card

Is there such a thing?  Like a "Get out of jail free" card in Monopoly?  Because today, I think I would have done about anything for one of those bad boys.
I have had a life with regular trials and obstacles to overcome.  Nothing too hard but hard enough I can say I have worked at things and gone through tough times.  I am grateful for those challenges and hurdles in life.  I really like who I have become and who I am still working towards being.  But today...today I had to overcome something I hoped would never happen.  Today "it" happened.  Or rather something that rhymes with "it".
Are you intrigued?  You should be.
Going on vacation is always a bitter sweet thing.  You have a great time, you get away and you get to enjoy coming home.  But then the next day hits and your sweet toddler is out of his routine, lacking attention, and has forgotten chores and rules and pom poms and star charts.
Today started out great.  Shortstop came into my room waving his light saber and laughing wanting to play.  But it all went down hill from there.  Everything I said was met with a "no", a swat from his chubby fists, or just laughing at me when I tried to correct him.  I kept looking at him and thinking "Who are you and what have you done with my sweetheart?"  But then he would look at me and say "Sorry mommy" and give me a hug...only to use my sympathies and love as a distraction while he went off terrorize another part of the house.
Well, nap time could not come soon enough.  I gave him a hug and laid him down.  He often plays in his crib for a few minutes then falls asleep.  After ten minutes went by and nothing out of the ordinary happened, I was surprised to hear him saying "No, no...mess...no, no...mess" over and over.  I thought maybe he had thrown his pacifier or his blanket and could not reach it.

Nope.

I knew what had happened before I opened the door.  Or rather my nose knew what I was about to face.
But I braved the door, opened it, and immediately had to take a step back.  There, covered in "brown paint" was my child saying "Uh-oh mommy...no, no" and laughing.
I did not move for about two minutes trying to decide what to do.  I wish I could say I laughed it off and cheerily said "Oh honey, that's ok, you didn't know any better. (Kiss kiss, hug hug) Here is a cookie while you bathe and I clean it up".  But I cannot say that.  I dialed Mark and cried and then called my mom and cried and then called my sister and sobbed.  His crib (which is a pack and play lined with MESH) and blankets (which are polar fleece and minky) and toys and pacifier (which was in his mouth still) and clothes and hair and wall and everything within reach was covered.   To say I was  overwhelmed is an understatement. I have dreaded this day since I became a mom, knowing it would happen and praying it would not.
Mind you, I am on the phone crying and still have not picked up Shortstop.  He is sitting quietly and looks sorry but I haven't even addressed him. After getting my wits about me and being reassured by everyone (I don't know why I cried...I never cry...but the tears flowed freely), I stripped him down and plopped him in the tub.  I scrubbed him down quickly with water just to get him semi clean so he could play.  Then I rolled up my sleeves (well, they are short sleeve so not really) and I got to work.  Armed with spray and wash, soap, hot water, clorox wipes and lots of rags I got to work, every once in a while peeking in on a happy bathing boy playing in the bubbles.
I opened the window and lit some candles to try and attack the smell (and to minimize my gagging which was plentiful).  I vacuumed and sprayed febreeze and sprinkled baby powder to assist in the process.  And I did my best to sanitize and clean every inch of those walls and mesh crib liners.
Then I washed my hands for the 17th time and tackled the boy in the tub.  The boy who looked at me, smiled and laid on my shoulder while soaking wet.  The boy who patted my face and said "sorry mommy" about ten times even though all I had done was cry for a little while.  He did not get away from the situation without a very stern talking to and then a time out, but he knew before I said anything that he was in trouble.  He could sense it.
So now he is asleep and I am going to get some yummy junk food that I usually avoid and curl up on the couch with a book to be lazy and ignore the mascara running down my face.
So why did I write this?  Maybe so I can look back one day and laugh.  Maybe to help other moms realize that even though we SHOULD laugh and take things less seriously, sometimes that just does not work.  Or maybe because I need to know I am not the only one who has dealt with this.  Whatever the reason, there you go.  And yes I took pictures.  And no I will not post them.  They are more for Mark to see so he will go buy me something shiny and nice to thank me for being such an awesome wife and mom. :)