Catchy little title isn't it? Well, this is going to be a personal blog entry, one that I did not think I wanted to do but I guess I do. So if you want to skip this, please feel free, no offense taken. It is more for me and accountability than anything else. I just feel like getting real, you know?
My weight story has been an interesting one. In high school I was never teeny tiny but I think I looked pretty darn good. I was in soccer so I worked out a lot and I was picky so I never ate. I am not saying that was smart but that was my reality. I was always curvy, but in the right places. I had sisters who did not like the way they looked, though I never thought they looked bad, and to ease the tension we would all joke about it. Through laughing breaths one day, my sister said "Just wait...one day you are going to struggle with weight and I will be the small one." Well...that day has come true. Thanks a lot! :) :)
I did not start struggling with my weight until about three years ago. I wasn't the healthiest eater but it was nothing out of control and I was going to the gym...but I kept putting weight on. I even had someone ask me if I was pregnant...OUCH! I had my thyroid checked. Nothing. I went in thinking maybe I had depression. Nope. It all looked as if I just was gaining weight. Then Mark and I wanted a baby. Most of my sisters had no problem in this area so I thought it would be cake for me. 6 months went by, a year, still not pregnant. So I really started working on losing weight thinking "If I can't have kids, I will be the fit, skinny aunt." I did an overhaul on my eating and working out. And I lost a good 30 pounds. My parents inspired me after they lost quite a bit of weight and were running races I could barely walk. (Just kidding...I just hate running!) After a year I went it for my "infertility test." What a stupid way to schedule someone for something. No one wants to hear that phrase- "infertility". If it was me I would call it "Let's-get-you-a-baby" test. Well, they did some more blood work and turns out I have PCOS and am insulin resistant. Thank you for some answers! Hallelujah! Basically when I eat one piece of bread, my body processes it as like half a loaf! I was put on medication, a couple of kinds, including fertility drugs and voila...a few months later I was announcing to the family I was pregnant. Yay! So two problems solved with one doctor's appointment.
Then 7 months into my pregnancy I went in for the delicious orange drink test (twice...couldn't keep it down the first time.) And the results came back...Gestational Diabetes. I was sort of prepared for it since I was at a higher risk being IR, but it was not a great day and I cried a lot. Once I processed it on my own then I accepted it fully and thought, "well, at least I won't gain too much weight!" They put you on a STRICT diet with GB. And I did a great job with it and did not gain much weight. More because I thought "I do not want to be the reason my kid is diabetic because I chose not to follow a simple diet." It wasn't like I only gained 15 but I was happy with where I was.
Now the irony in all of this was as I was losing weight pre-Shortstop, a few of my sisters were pregnant and gaining weight. Now that I have a baby and have all this baby weight, they are all so small. I have 5 gorgeous older sisters and although they have always been pretty...they keep getting better with age. All five of them are in the best shape I can remember seeing them. I have sisters who go to the gym all the time, others who run half marathons, marathons, 20 milers and anything in between, sisters who do work out videos and kick butt and all this with two or more kids. I mean...not one of them looks less than a fitness model. And here I am. THE BIG MORGAN GIRL! (My sisters hate when I say that...but they can't stop me when I type it...HA! Take that!) With a 9 month old and pretty down about weight, it takes up a lot of my thoughts and energy. Living in Happy Valley is a bit tough too as most of the people around me are in their skinny jeans when they have a 4 month old. I try not to let it affect relationships but it does. I wish I did not see weight. But I do. I hate that I have avoided events or running into people. But I have.
My parents have lost weight, I have already gone into my sisters' weights and I married into a teeny tiny family. So to sum up... Big Morgan girl and Big Elkington girl. (I am DREADING the day my in laws want to take family pictures with everyone. D-R-E-A-D-I-N-G). I don't think I am ugly or obese by any means, but I run when a camera comes out and I always sit with a pillow or something in my lap to hide behind. I hear people say "You are curvy" or "You look good for just having a baby" or "You have such a beautiful face" and I want to cry! Why? I don't know. Those are all wonderful compliments! But I want to be told "You need to eat, you tiny thing!" Silly isn't it? (By the way, this sounds more serious than I meaning to...most of this is with a smile and some sarcasm laced in between.)
Anyway, now for the accountability part. I don't sleep too well and the other night I was buying some books on Amazon and saw "30 day Shred with Jillian." It was on sale. I was already buying stuff. Why not! So it came, a week and a half ago. And each time I looked at it I thought "Do I really want to be sore? Do I really have 20 minutes? It probably won't even work." Talk about Nelly Negative! But today was different. Today I thought "I am done wishing the weight would just magically fall off. I am done dreading pictures and vacations and summer. Today is the day." And I did it. It may sound pathetic to some of you who work out for 2 hours but I don't care. I did it and I loved it. I had a lot of excuses. I had lots of work to do, housework and my job, a baby who kept freaking out when I would do the jumping jacks or running in place so I would have to pause the DVD, hug him and give him a snack or something, and I did not sleep well last night. But I pushed through, laughed in the excuses' faces and did it. And I feel great! I really do. More because tomorrow happened. No more putting it off until tomorrow. Today was tomorrow. I had a friend's husband once say "I want to be an After in a gym full of Befores." Isn't that a great saying!? So, there it is. My weight struggle, my self confidence issues, and my success all in one post. And now I am accountable to anyone who pushed through this post. Thanks and have a great and successful day! I will let you know how the next 29 days are.
